Monday, January 17, 2011

How to take a bath in the winter time.

The first things you must have (as a duck) to get warm bath water, is a adorable green head, a sweet quack and charming ways.
The second is a Human who is absolutely devoted to your happiness. For ultimate success, it helps to have a partner in crime. They don't even have to be highly intelligent, just cute. A large, loud Rouen Drake, for example, will do quite well.
Now when your human comes to let you out in the morning, make sure after quacking a greeting that you wiggle your adorable tail, and make pitiful attempts at taking a bath on the hard snow. It also helps if you get your pal to go and walk/sit on the empty or icy pool in your yard, all the time quacking as loud as he can. By this time you have done all you can to soften the hard heart of your human, the next step is to wait patiently.
As soon as can be expected you should see her come laboring back toward you with two buckets of steaming water. Now, quack as much as possible to encourage her, and to tell her to get over here as soon as possible! Side step and murmur suspiciously as she enters your yard and begins to pour the water into your pool. As soon as she turns around dive in and enjoy!!

Ahh the joys of warm water, and humans who serve you wholeheartedly is wondrous.

Make the most of your water, for despite your protests, you might not get water every day.

I do hope these tips have been more than helpful to all you ducks out there, I must now return to the full time job of making my girl think that I love her with my whole heart, and that I will die without warm bath water.
Sincerely Mr. Dick, esq.